Do you ever?

Do you ever get those time when you're laying all snuggly and warm in your bed and all of a sudden you get that 'ping' in your head?  You know the one that says 'wake up' no sleep for you yet?  Then while you're laying there thinking I can beat this pinger and I will go to sleep.... well here I am.... awake.  Then I got to thinking as I listened to he rain lashing against the windows and could hear the trees creaking and bending in some really really strong winds (again) about my beautiful beautiful babies.  Nothing new there I think of them all the time... breaks my heart.  I can see them in my mind just as clear as if they were next to me right now.  I close my eyes and I can feel the softness of their feathers against my skin, the smell of them sweet and musky and slightly flowery from my lovely Polly and stronger from my funny little Tinker.  Then quite pongy when they were wet and wanted to rub themselves dry in my hair.  I can see Polly asleep on her back in her little snuggle hut, little squeaks while she had little caiquey dreams, who knows what her dreams were.  Tinker on his bed perch head tucked back under his wing on one leg ready to sleep, one eye open as if to say 'leave me alone now' and I did.  Do you ever look at your pets and wonder what they dream of?  I mean do they dream in the way we do?  I'm fairly sure that if they do dream my babies would not have been dreaming of the nightmare they were to endure.

See we went on holiday and took them to a holiday home,  (who we'd used previously who I thought was my friend) a carer if you will which turned out to be the start of theirs and out nightmares.  See whilst they were there they were allowed to escape... and that's where the bad stuff for us all began,  We cut short our holiday when we found out - on the internet I might add - and came to look.

We searched high and low and low and high.  Chased every little lead we had... and nothing.  Somewhere out there are my beautiful babies.  Except now as the wind blows and the rain lashes down I think they're looking down on us from Rainbow Bridge.  And I miss them.  I miss them so so much it hurts.  Physically it hurts me, us we all miss them.  And its a pain a big black pain in my heart.  See now I wonder about those dreams they had - did they dream of feeling the wind under their wings?  Flying without having to turn round at the bottom of the hall?  See if they did I reckon that dream to them would be a nightmare.  They'd have been outside all alone, scared in that big world that they didn't know anything about.  Because I don't think they stayed together either.  My beautiful babies out in the world bad enough but out there on their own, even worse.

So I'm going to indulge myself and share their pictures, after all thats all I have left to share.  Their images and memories though will stay in my heart forever.  The other thing that will stay with me forever is the guilt.. yes I took them to the holiday home, I chose her, and she told me she'd look after 

them.

Only thing is now there's no one looking after them.

And that makes me feel like the worst pet owner in the world ever.  I failed them, totally and absolutely.

So to my beautiful babies Tinker and Polly I'm so sorry for what I did, I hope wherever you are your dreams are happy ones and I did try and find you, I'll never stop looking.